Update -- Tuesday, Jan. 18, 2005
With Dave back home, the Abels family is still focusing on finding Ben and hoping for a miracle that he is still alive. However, they have to be realistic and are preparing for a Memorial Service to be held at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday, Jan. 30 at Beth Emet Synagogue, 1224 Dempster Street (corner of Ridge) in Evanston, Illinois. (See the 1/16/05 update for further details.)
Dave is still spending most of his time corresponding via phone and email with the investigator Steve in Phuket, Krabi, or Bangkok, wherever he happens to be at the time. Steve is still hard at work, trying to locate and cross reference records of all bodies taken from Koh Phi Phi to determine where they were taken so he can follow up on trying to match dental records or DNA. This can take weeks, if not months. If Ben is not alive the Abels want to do everything possible to bring him home for burial.
It is still almost unbelievable the offers of prayer and support the family is receiving from around the world -- from people who knew Ben from his travels and also from people who never met Ben or the family. The Abels continue to be thankful for all this support.
Many of you have generously expressed interest in making a donation to a fund in Ben’s honor. We have modified the fund to allow existing and future contributions to be tax deductible. As before, all donations will be used for tsunami relief, and will not be used to pay for any costs associated with our search for Ben.
Donations to the Fund may be made to:
Tsunami Relief Fund in Honor of Ben Abels TRF DAF
Checks may be mailed or delivered to:
Tsunami Relief Fund
2110 Central Street
Evanston, Illinois 60201
Dave is still spending most of his time corresponding via phone and email with the investigator Steve in Phuket, Krabi, or Bangkok, wherever he happens to be at the time. Steve is still hard at work, trying to locate and cross reference records of all bodies taken from Koh Phi Phi to determine where they were taken so he can follow up on trying to match dental records or DNA. This can take weeks, if not months. If Ben is not alive the Abels want to do everything possible to bring him home for burial.
It is still almost unbelievable the offers of prayer and support the family is receiving from around the world -- from people who knew Ben from his travels and also from people who never met Ben or the family. The Abels continue to be thankful for all this support.
Many of you have generously expressed interest in making a donation to a fund in Ben’s honor. We have modified the fund to allow existing and future contributions to be tax deductible. As before, all donations will be used for tsunami relief, and will not be used to pay for any costs associated with our search for Ben.
Donations to the Fund may be made to:
Tsunami Relief Fund in Honor of Ben Abels TRF DAF
Checks may be mailed or delivered to:
Tsunami Relief Fund
2110 Central Street
Evanston, Illinois 60201
6 Comments:
The Abels have been receiving beautiful notes, and we will occasionally post them here. Below is a note received from Jaye Lampe, a friend of Ben's from Boulder.
Dear Abels Family,
I wanted to thank you for forwarding this. I've been following the blog regarding the search for Ben, and have been praying for a miracle for him and for your family. Ben is one of the most fantastic people I've ever known. I worked with Ben at RSI since 1997, and enjoyed looking after Grommett during some of Ben's many adventures. While working with him, I had the opportunity to travel with Ben for work. Sales trips tend to be pretty stressful, but Ben's style was incredible supportive and easy-going. We had a great time, and still brought back business for the company. It opened my eyes to an 'alternative' way of approaching work and stress that I still carry with me today. I remember asking him where he got this approach, and he told me "Grommett doesn't do no stress". We laughed hard about that.
The last time I spoke with him, middle of last year, he was very excited about how things had been going. We had always talked a lot about career and life decisions, and in revisiting his move back to Evanston, he was really thrilled with how things had been working out. I think he was so delighted to be back near family and working in the real estate business. He was able to incorporate his love for travel into his schedule, which was so important to him.
The day I found out Ben was missing, I ran across several gifts and cards from Ben over the years -- pictures of Grommett, cards and books from when my sons were born. It tore my heart that a light like Ben could possibly be gone. Ben really touched my life, and I am grateful to have known him. I believe that Ben lived better than most of us in his short life. He experienced everything deeply, peacefully, and satisfyingly. We can all learn from his example. You must be a wonderful group of people to have created and raised such a person.
I send you my deepest sympathy for your loss. I will never forget Ben, and will teach my kids what I learned from him.
Love,
Jaye Lampe, Boulder
The Abels have been receiving beautiful notes, and we will occasionally post them here. Below is a note received from Beth Krodel.
To the Abels family,
I’ve written this email in my head at least a handful of times each day for the past three weeks. I kept waiting in hopes that Ben would turn up somewhere in a hospital or helping with recovery efforts. And a big
part of me still hopes this happens. Though as you wrote on benabels.com last week, we must be realistic. So it’s time for me to share my story of Ben with you.
My husband Bryan Smith and I met Ben five years ago in Boulder, and because of our shared interests in travel, dogs, Latin America and the Spanish language, Ben and I became fast friends. We enjoyed many special moments – staying up til the wee hours talking about our latest travel adventures, going to outdoor concerts, lingering over homemade dinners and his favorite mead wine. He touched my life in so many ways, everything from teaching me to drive stick shift in his blue Subaru to introducing me to wonderful Latin music (I’ll cherish the CDs he made me forever). Bryan and I were lucky enough to have Ben and Grommet stay with us a couple of times prior to his departures for Mexico. We have a hilarious picture of the three of us the night before he left in October 2002; Ben has a Mohawk!
The last time I saw Ben was in September when he came to Boulder for Mark Hilgeman’s wedding. Ben called me when he got into DIA and met me at my office in Boulder that afternoon where we got carried away talking and were a little late for a wonderful dinner Bryan had made for us at our new home. Over dinner, we talked a lot about marriage and babies (I was 5 months pregnant at the time) and Ben’s upcoming trip to Asia. Bryan and I had been to Thailand a couple of years earlier and highly recommended Ben visit Koh Phi Phi – a gorgeous island with great snorkeling and a truly laid-back atmosphere, a place we thought Ben would love. I feel more guilt than I can express about having made that recommendation. The last email I had from Ben was when he was in Hong Kong. He emailed to wish us happy holidays and a safe delivery of our baby (due Dec. 30). He also said when he got back to Evanston, he was planning to send a copy of his favorite childhood book for our little one.
I went into labor on Sunday, December 26. On the drive to the hospital we were listening to NPR, and that’s when we first heard of the tsunami. The report said that a tidal wave had hit Thailand, but it didn’t mention Phi Phi. The next morning, after 19.5 hours of labor, we gave birth to Sofia Dyane Krodel Smith, a beautiful little girl that we’re calling Sofi. When Bryan checked his voicemail after we got settled in the post-partum section of the hospital, there was a message from our friend Jim telling us that Ben was missing from Koh Phi Phi. We were stunned.
Since then I have cried for Ben every day – in part because of my new motherhood hormones, in part because we’ve been playing his CDs and they keep bringing back memories, and in part because the only thing on our refrigerator is Ben’s Mohawk picture which leads all of Sofi’s visitors to ask for the story behind the photo. And so we tell them about Ben, his sense of adventure and interest in other cultures, his compassion and generosity and his incredible spirit. Telling his story helps make the terror and travesty of the tsunami more real for each person who sees his picture – and it has led some of them to make contributions to relief efforts.
The birth of my daughter was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had. I only wish I could share that story with Ben. In the coming years, Sofi’s birthday will no doubt be a time of celebration, but it also will always be a day when I think of how we lost Ben.
There’s a saying that every time one good soul departs this world, another enters into it. Perhaps our little Sofi is the soul that has entered in Ben’s place. Regardless, I hope that she shares a bit of Ben’s zest for life, his respect for others and his spirit.
We are making a contribution to Ben's Tsunami Relief Fund on behalf of Sofi. And because she will still be too young to travel on January 30, we will not be able to make it to Ben's service in Evanston. But Bryan and I send our love and thoughts to all of the Abels in this most difficult time. We hope that somehow you can be at peace. And we hope for Ben’s eventual return.
Much love, Beth Krodel
Below is another wonderful note the family received recently.
Dear Abels Family,
We were very shocked to hear the news about Ben last night and have been thinking about your family ever since. We are very sorry for your loss and cannot imagine how hard these last few weeks have been. We are friends of Ben's from Vancouver, B.C. and enjoyed some great times with Ben in South America and in Vancouver when he came to visit us.
We first met Ben on a bus crossing the border from Ecuador to Peru, and hit off a good friendship immediately. We spent the next few days travelling together and then met up again in Cuzco to hike the Inca Trail to Macchu Picchu with other friends Heidi and Cesar. After that, we moved on to Lake Titicaca, where we experienced high altitude living eating very bony fish and a game of cards wrapped in sleeping bags, gloves and toques, Copacabana and finally to La Paz. As many others have mentioned, Ben loved to travel and we benefited greatly from his excitement, his love for Latin culture and the Spanish language, and his upbeat demeanour even in uncomfortable circumstances. We were fortunate enough to stay in touch after returning home and had a great time reminiscing about travel stories when Ben came to visit us in Vancouver a year later.
We will always remember Ben's great smile and stories about his family, friends and especially his dog. It is amazing how much you can learn about and how close you can become to someone when you spend countless hours on buses, hiking trails, slow moving boats and trains, and cafes that allow you to sit for hours over a single cup of coffee or tea. I think it is part of what Ben enjoyed most about travelling and we are so grateful that we had the chance to spend part of that experience with him.
We spent some time today looking through pictures of our time in South America and were happy to see his big smile in every picture. It was nice for us to remember him in that way and to know how happy he was experiencing different parts of the world. Once again, we would like to pass on our regards to everyone in your family and the countless friends that Ben has made both in the U.S. and around the world.
Chad and Riza Hoskins
Vancouver, B.C.
Dear Abels family,
I came accross Ben's story on the lonely planet forum and although i don't know Ben or your family, I check this site everyday and sympathise deeply with you. Reading all the comments, Ben seems to be a lovely, caring and optimistic person and i can't help feeling somehow affinity with him, like Ben seems to be the person i would have loved to meet on my travels.
I'm convinced that Ben's life made his footprints in many lives and that somehow this thought helps you to get through this difficult times.
I didn't know Ben, but I wish I had...
I wish you all the strenght you need to let yourself to be happy again filled with beautiful memories of your son Ben.
Love, Karolien
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Note from an Argentine friend:
I am sorry... Im very sad about this. Im from Argetina and I met him in my country.
I'm sad
Sebas
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